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How to understand that only a sexual object is seen in us

Where is the line between a healthy attraction and objectification? How to understand whether the partner of a living person sees in us with all the pros and cons or perceives as an object, the bearer of one or another feature exciting him? Relationship specialist, psychoanalyst Elisha Perrin compiled a list of signs that will help to navigate in an incomprehensible relationship.

The problem, which began to write about relatively recently, was called “Objectivation” – “Formation”. In the context of sexual relations, this means contact in which one person sees not a person in another, but an “subject”, an object for the embodiment of his own desires. Psychoanalyst Dr. Elisha Perrin for many years of his practice deals with problems in relations and devoted an article to how to recognize objectivation.

“A recent study shows that objectification can be associated with sexual coercion in a romantic relationship,” she writes. – No wonder. Which is even more alarming, objectification is also statistically related to sexual violence. And this, alas, also does not have to be surprised “.

So how to determine the difference between objectivation and a healthy attraction? What are the warning signals after which you need to be especially careful in relationships or when meeting? Obviously, we all would like to enjoy a healthy mutual attraction. Dr. Perrin writes about how important it is to be able to separate it from unhealthy objectivation, in which there are many risk factors.

An immature state of mind

To begin with, the expert proposes to understand that he leads a person when he seeks to physically objectify another: “The one who does this is by definition is in an immature state of mind”. When we are very young, we see the world consisting of many small details. It is required to achieve maturity to see how these parts are combined with each other, and, therefore, begin to see people as a whole, comprehensively.

If we have not yet reached maturity, then we mainly consider others as simply “objects” that serve to satisfy our definite need or fulfill any role at a certain moment. For the early period, when we are not yet able to take care of ourselves about ourselves, this is a natural stage of growing up.

Nevertheless, healthy development includes respect for others as people with their own rights, needs, restrictions, good and bad features. A man or woman who consider another person as an object look at him exclusively from the point of view of satisfying their own needs at the moment.

They cannot think about a person as a whole and, therefore, are not capable of healthy, mature relationships, especially romantic or sexual.

How to recognize objectivation?

1. In the vast majority of cases, healthy attraction is not inclined to focus on parts of the body or a specific appearance, for example, on one or another clothing. With a healthy attraction, a person can enjoy the beauty of the body or image, but definitely sees the personality of the partner behind him.

2. Experiencing weakness or special addiction to any nuances, a mature person will notice and appreciate them in a partner organically, as part of his image or personality. For example, if a man is “fixed” to ensure that a woman wore high -heeled shoes, he can separate this image from her as a person – after all, any other can wear such shoes. But, on the other hand, if he tells her compliments, because the love of skiing has created a beautiful shape of her legs, which is so remarkably visible in high heels – most likely he appreciates this woman as a person with the habits and features that makeits individuality.

3. A mature person will also respond to other people as personalities. He does not divide the world into black and white and can talk about his boss, family members or friends as people endowed with good and bad features. A person who objectifies will be inclined to consider others as soon as “good” or only “bad”, giving superficial grades.

4. People prone to objectification are less than others capable of empathy. The fact is that when we see others in their integrity, we can look at the world with their eyes, notice similarities and differences with us, recognize the strengths and weaknesses, sympathy and antipathy. These abilities determine the ability to sympathize and stand on the point of view of another person. “If you meet someone who, it seems to you, is not able to empathize with you or others, pay closer attention to how he relates to your body,” writes Dr. Perrin. – Perhaps you will notice other signs that you are objectified “.

5. When objectivation, a person can experience special pleasure from contemplation, touch or certain kind of sexual actions with any part of the body of the partner. This differs from intimacy with those who perceive the other completely, and at the level of bodily contact, including. Again, the expert explains, this dates back to the fact that objectivation is the satisfaction of an urgent need. As soon as it is satisfied, the attention of the subject tends to move to something else-for example, his next desire.

Making conclusions, it is important to remember: the extremes are rare – that is, it is almost not so that a person has all 5 signs or not a single one at all.

“Notice trends in your relationship. And most importantly, pay attention to how you feel in them! When someone objectifies you, you will probably feel that you are less appreciated. Your own pleasure can be superficial or short. You

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may notice how your attention is distracted from yourself, and the mind is busy guessing what your partner is now feeling. Because of this, a feeling of more constraint and unnaturalness may arise. And perhaps this is due to the fact that you are objectified, ”summarizes Dr. Perrin.

In her conviction, it is important to pay attention to the listed features in time, because they can become harbingers of much more serious problems in the future.

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